“It’s Cancer”

Colon Cancer: A Journal After Diagnosis

July 31, 2020

No one likes a gloomy girl. I picture a small house with a working fireplace, wood floors, white walls, spare. Its windows look onto greenery, including my garden. There will be a flower garden that caters to the pollinators and a vegetable garden where I grow only my favorites and a fruit tree. There willContinue reading “July 31, 2020”

July 30, 2020

Hi. I’m not sure what to say. I’m not sure how I feel. I started chemo on Monday. It’s now Thursday. It has been a very rough week. I was very nervous going to the hospital. When I arrived at the oncology center, the other patients seemed very relaxed. One was reading a book andContinue reading “July 30, 2020”

July 27, 2020

It’s 6:00 a.m. and I just woke up. I had set my alarm but didn’t need it because I awoke from a terrible nightmare. In my nightmare, I was away from home and someone took my cat out. Then they did something terrible to her. I started screaming and screaming and I woke up. I’mContinue reading “July 27, 2020”

July 26, 2020

So here are my thoughts the night before I start my first day of chemo: Bring it on. Let’s kill that goddamn tumor. Pain is quite the motivator and I have been in excruciating pain for the past hour – reminding me that the tumor is there, taking over my body. Well, tomorrow morning, noContinue reading “July 26, 2020”

July 25, 2020

Everyone tells me that these procedures are routine, no big deal. I was told this just yesterday by a friend of mine minutes before I went into surgery for the port placement. Here’s what a “routine”, “no big deal” procedure looks like. I’ll start from the beginning. My tumor has invaded my pelvis and, IContinue reading “July 25, 2020”

July 23, 2020

I want to forget about this cancer. I am sick of it. If I didn’t have any pain, it would be easier to do – to forget about it – to let it go. I want to let it go. I want to enjoy my life, just be. I believe I could do it ifContinue reading “July 23, 2020”

July 22, 2020

I’m scared. The doctor added a second day of chemo for next week. I assume it’s because he learned of the tumor’s genetics and that it is fast growing. I’m scared of the chemo and how sick I’ll be next week – the doctor already told me that after one day I’ll be very sickContinue reading “July 22, 2020”

July 21, 2020 UPDATE

I was just informed by my prior oncologist that my cancer has a very rare genetic change which occurs in less than 5% of colorectal cancers. Instead of having 2 copies of a certain gene, there are over 200 copies which is likely to tell the cancer to grow and divide. There are small studiesContinue reading “July 21, 2020 UPDATE”

July 21, 2020

Yesterday I cried for the first time – really cried. I spoke with my new oncologist. A one hour scheduled Zoom became a two hour conference. He explained everything to me with specificity – drug treatments, side effects, how I can expect to feel after my first chemo treatment and the second and the third.Continue reading “July 21, 2020”

July 19, 2020

Pain. Unrelenting. Don’t know if it’s my colon or the tumor. Can’t take it. Producing stool – lots of it – all day. Hope the pain is from the stool production not the tumor. Sick. Love, Molly2923


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