June 10, 2020

It’s Noon now. I need relief. It has been many, many months and here I lie, pain-ridden and instructed not to eat. I just drink fruit juice and Ensure which I no longer like – the thought of it makes me sick. I can tell you one thing I’ve learned: Never take your appetite for granted. The immediate desire for food is a core element of being alive. When it’s out of reach, it is so far gone – it’s hard even to remember what it felt like – and there’s nothing you can do to get it back. The world blanches.

I actually have an appetite again (not at this moment due to the pain) but can’t eat until my bowel obstruction is resolved. Hopefully, I’ll get that second opinion this afternoon. I just have to hang on.

The townhouse I’m in is being shown today. I did some light cleaning to spiff it up. I want the prospective renters to take it so no one else comes in during COVID. Now I’m tired.

I’ll check back later ,,,

I have good news! I have an oncologist whom I trust. We had a Zoom meeting today. I can’t tell you what that feels like. I am being admitted to the hospital tomorrow and they’ll do the surgery probably this weekend. I haven’t taken any pain medication because my primary care doctor never addressed the issue in any way. I have just been left to suffer. My oncologist told me to take Tylenol for tonight and I did and OH MY GOD what a difference! Knowing you’re in good hands and safe is the greatest gift. I am so thankful.

So, I’m going to have a colostomy bag. I can’t believe it – no more bikinis or cute sarongs for me – do you wear baggy clothes??? – but I don’t even care. I just want to live and be productive and EAT. I should be able to eat after this surgery and I want everything – a hamburger, Thai food, more Thai food, Italian food, you name it. FOOD!!!

I guess I’m in pretty bad shape. The cancer is not curable but it is treatable. So basically it’s going to kill me but I may still live quite a bit longer if I respond well to treatment. Without treatment, I’d die very soon. So, again, I am so grateful. Life can end so randomly, snuffed out without a thought. I still have time.

If I hadn’t pushed to get my appointments set faster or my test results delivered sooner, I wouldn’t have been going into the hospital now to resolve this issue and, I am told, it is headed for a crisis. So, let me tell you, the squeaky wheel gets oiled. You have to speak up and be your own champion. It could save your life.

Love, Molly2923

2 thoughts on “June 10, 2020

  1. I wear baggier pants, but that’s mostly because my stoma falls at the waistband of my pants. At some point, I’m going to look into maternity pants since they have an elastic waistband. I hope surgery goes well. You’ll likely stay in the hospital until your bowels wake up and you’re back on solid food and on oral pain meds. And remember, no matter what anyone tells you, a colostomy bag isn’t the end of the world.


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