It’s Noon now. I need relief. It has been many, many months and here I lie, pain-ridden and instructed not to eat. I just drink fruit juice and Ensure which I no longer like – the thought of it makes me sick. I can tell you one thing I’ve learned: Never take your appetite for granted. The immediate desire for food is a core element of being alive. When it’s out of reach, it is so far gone – it’s hard even to remember what it felt like – and there’s nothing you can do to get it back. The world blanches.
I actually have an appetite again (not at this moment due to the pain) but can’t eat until my bowel obstruction is resolved. Hopefully, I’ll get that second opinion this afternoon. I just have to hang on.
The townhouse I’m in is being shown today. I did some light cleaning to spiff it up. I want the prospective renters to take it so no one else comes in during COVID. Now I’m tired.
I’ll check back later ,,,
I have good news! I have an oncologist whom I trust. We had a Zoom meeting today. I can’t tell you what that feels like. I am being admitted to the hospital tomorrow and they’ll do the surgery probably this weekend. I haven’t taken any pain medication because my primary care doctor never addressed the issue in any way. I have just been left to suffer. My oncologist told me to take Tylenol for tonight and I did and OH MY GOD what a difference! Knowing you’re in good hands and safe is the greatest gift. I am so thankful.
So, I’m going to have a colostomy bag. I can’t believe it – no more bikinis or cute sarongs for me – do you wear baggy clothes??? – but I don’t even care. I just want to live and be productive and EAT. I should be able to eat after this surgery and I want everything – a hamburger, Thai food, more Thai food, Italian food, you name it. FOOD!!!
I guess I’m in pretty bad shape. The cancer is not curable but it is treatable. So basically it’s going to kill me but I may still live quite a bit longer if I respond well to treatment. Without treatment, I’d die very soon. So, again, I am so grateful. Life can end so randomly, snuffed out without a thought. I still have time.
If I hadn’t pushed to get my appointments set faster or my test results delivered sooner, I wouldn’t have been going into the hospital now to resolve this issue and, I am told, it is headed for a crisis. So, let me tell you, the squeaky wheel gets oiled. You have to speak up and be your own champion. It could save your life.