So here are my thoughts the night before I start my first day of chemo: Bring it on. Let’s kill that goddamn tumor.
Pain is quite the motivator and I have been in excruciating pain for the past hour – reminding me that the tumor is there, taking over my body. Well, tomorrow morning, no matter how sick it makes me, it’s going to be getting some medicine of its own. Then we will be adding a drug to cut off its blood supply.
Most colon cancer tumors have 2 copies of a certain gene that causes its growth. Mine has over 200. My understanding is that this makes it similar to some breast cancers that have been studied and for which treatment has been developed. So that may be another avenue of attack. Not sure – will learn more tomorrow when I talk with my oncologist.
This insanity has to stop. Cancer, cancer, cancer. Pain, pain, pain. Remember health? Remember life? I want it all back in my little, quiet corner of the world so I can grow my garden, sit in the sun, and relax with a smile.
Is that asking too much? I don’t think so.
Can’t wait for chemo now even though I know in 24 hours I’ll be sick as a dog. Well, if that’s what it’s going to take so be it. (I know I won’t be so glib tomorrow night but that has to be my attitude at least when I’m not throwing up).
Had a very long day today. Woke up early, packed up for hours, changed my colostomy bag (not fun), changed my surgery dressings (terrified to remove them but it actually went well), then drove many hours to the hospital – staying at a nearby hotel again. We’ll be living in-state next Saturday so won’t have to do that again.
Now I have to try to sleep through this tumor pain. It has no idea what’s coming. And it better work.