August 13, 2020

Hi. Again. It’s me, Molly. Feeling low. Being sick is hard.

I had my second chemo treatment this past Monday. The doctor said my blood work was excellent. Good news there. The chemo hit me Monday night and I was gone on Tuesday. Sick, in bed, nauseous, unable to move or eat, throwing up. On Wednesday, still very sick. I had to remove my chemo pump by myself. A nurse stayed on the phone with me and walked me through it – took about an hour from disconnecting the pump to flushing the tube into my vein, to pulling out the needle in my chest. I was so weak and sick but I did it. The nurse was the best – so, so patient. My personal nurse then called to check in and when she found out that I hadn’t been eating and had been throwing up – including all my meds – she called the doctor. He told me to go to the ER and I did.

I feel a bit better today – can eat again – slowly. I’m developing the neurothopy they told me about – can’t touch cold things. I also can’t chew with my molars anymore. But it’s the laid-up, can’t move, sick to my stomach that gets me.

I’m trying to protect my cat from the chemo. I told her to stay on what is now her side of the bed and she is – she gets it. She doesn’t know why – I think she may be a bit down because we’re not snuggling – but she’s doing it. She now has 100% possession of the good blankets and I’m washing the sheets every few days. I’m trying my best. This whole thing stinks – including me – I stink – I can smell the chemo on me. I hate it. It makes me sick.

Move-in is going slowly because I don’t have the physical ability to get the house in order but it’s going. I push myself when I have the energy.

And besides all that? What about me? Well, my spirits could be higher. I need to be positive. Start small, keep it simple, keep going, head up. Plant a flower.

I have my eye on some daffodil bulbs for Spring.

Love, Molly

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