October 14, 2020

Little Sweet Pea is curled up, snoozy. Playing Gershwin – really great – full orchestra – melodic and powerful – inspiring. Am doing work-work and have been doing it for over 12 hours now. Nowhere near done.

I said this yesterday – complaining about this transient normalcy – when I should be enjoying it. It’s just so hard. This is me! Here I am! It’s like I’ve stepped back in time to my pre-cancer days. It feels unreal. It reminds me of what I’ve lost.

I’ve been told the average life expectancy for someone in my position is an additional three years. I know that there are worse fates than death. I know that. How about a stroke that leaves you severely mentally and physically impaired – not being able to care for yourself? Existing is not living. But now? When I am otherwise strong and healthy? It’s very hard …

I need to stay positive! I want to keep loving my Sweet Pea.

I made biscotti (very, very easy) and then melted some chocolate in milk and then dipped the biscotti in the chocolate. YUM!


Love, Molly

P.S. I really have to get a hold of myself. I must stop thinking this way. This is my greatest challenge. I don’t want to “have the thought and let it go”. I just want to stop. Full Stop. I want to enjoy.

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