I just had a delicious cup of coffee – Allegro Mocha Java – oh my god so good. I made cornbread yesterday and had a square with the coffee.
I’ve also gotten back into eating dried figs – packed with minerals. I used to eat them all the time – would also make fig jam all the time – they are delicious with toast, oatmeal, soft cheese & crackers – just cut them up and pop them on top. Yum, yum, yum.
I think (maybe) I’ve started to get a grip on this whole cancer thing. Having the disease and dealing with the medical treatments is not the problem for me (and by the way chemo was much, much better this week). It’s the death thing. I want to take care of everyone I love and I can’t do that if I’m not here – that’s the most important thing. I also want to dream, hope, grow – live – and as you all know by now – EAT!!!
But you know what? I’m here now. I’ll be here tomorrow. Maybe I’ll be here for years. I can’t spend all this time fretting about the end (except for its impact on the ones I love which is very hard). I just need to get on with it and be grateful for every single thing I have in my life which I am. I’m really going to try to hold onto this attitude.
I’ve been working on my project and it’s going well. I have work related things to deal with too.
I think I told you that I bought two bossa nova CD’s from the 1950’s this past fall and I’ve been listening to them – absolutely fantastic. Truly beautiful music – Antonio Carlos Jobim and Joao Gilberto.
What else? Oh yeah, my tumor marker went up. That’s not good – not sure how bad it is but we want down not up. You know what I say (at least at this moment)? I can’t control it – it’s going to do what it’s going to do. I have stuff to do. And my stuff is more important.
I will talk to you later and hope you have a wonderful day!