February 7, 2021

Good evening!

You all know by now that I have a sweet tooth. Well, today, my sweet tooth said, “Feed Me!” So I did. Yesterday’s homemade cinnamon rolls and sugar cookies came in handy (one of each). I just baked a loaf of soda bread for the week. That first piece hot out of the oven is SO GOOD! I put cream cheese and strawberry jam on top and made a cup of tea.

Did a lot of work today. Suffered badly during the night and all day with the joint pain but right now feel a little better – so strange. I sent an email to my doctor last night telling him that my joint pain has gotten markedly worse as has my ability to move. I can barely put on a cardigan and can no longer wear crew neck sweaters or t-shirts. I can’t use my arms to prop myself up to get off the bed – I have to roll off. It’s crazy.

I am starting my next round of chemo pills in 48 hours. I’m afraid to take them again. I’ve been reading blog posts about chemo joint pain sufferers – some of them have been suffering FOR YEARS. The doctors don’t seem to know why some people get joint pain, how long it will last, or what to do about it. I was told by a nurse and the pharmacist that I’m on a very high dosage of chemo right now so maybe my doctor will lower the dosage. The joint problem has become progressively worse over a period of months and I am concerned that it will continue to get worse and become permanent.

I used to be very active physically. Now I’m a lump. I still have good muscle tone because I spent my whole life being active but how long will that last? I have a tiny three pound weight and I need to start using it. My 15 lb iron dumbbells are downstairs and out of sight. I should probably donate them but I still have hope …

Let’s think of something good … I know – I recently saw a comedy special on Netflix and laughed out loud – it was GREAT! Everyone’s sense of humor is different and I like a lot of comedians with very, very different styles (in no particular order – Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais, Iliza, Chris Rock, Ali Wong, Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart). They are all excellent story tellers, have a theme to their work, see things for what they are, and are able to speak to common experiences and emotions. Who can do what they do? Only them. So the fellow I saw the other day was Sebastian Maniscalco – superb. I first learned of him when he appeared on Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians in Cars (Seinfeld also has a recent Netflix special out and it’s brilliant). Highly recommend.

Time to go now. Getting sleepy.

Love, Molly

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