February 12, 2021

I just got my latest CEA (that’s a tumor marker in the blood). It’s slightly elevated which means increased tumor activity. My tumor marker has been less than 0.5 for months which is the lowest value blood tests show. I’ve been off the tough drugs since December and now the CEA is 0.6.

An experienced person might say that such a slight increase is relatively meaningless and still excellent. It is still excellent but it says to me – a lay person – that this tumor means business and, as soon as it recovers from the tough drugs, it will come back in force. Now I don’t even have Avastan in my system – which is critical – because I’ve had a reaction to it. Right now, my right hand is a little numb and I can still barely move though it is getting a little better each day.

Does this put surgery in a new light? Maybe … I’m still operating on almost zero information but I had been thinking that if my tumor stayed steady, maybe I wouldn’t need to get disemboweled. Well, now I’m thinking, maybe I will …

This is awful.

Someone recently said to me that others have it worse (and I wasn’t complaining – I’m not a sniveling sad-sack). That’s very, very true – I’m aware. But I can’t compare myself to the most distressed person. That would mean I have no issues worth being troubled over. Sorry, but I count too.

I can only be me and my perspective is born on my experiences. And what I have to say is simply THIS STINKS!

Love, Molly

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