February 19, 2021

I don’t want to be mopey on this blog but I want to be real too.

I’ve been very sick. Haven’t been able to eat or get out of bed until a few minutes ago. I disconnected my chemo pump which I’ve been on for the past few days and ate a little something. Now I’m back in bed.

This all started in March 2020 – I got terribly sick and it didn’t let up – was diagnosed in May and in emergency surgery in June weighing in at just a little over 100 lbs. So, it’s been almost a year since this horrible journey began. I was given about 3 years to live based on the stats. So now I have two.

When this started, I said to myself that I would be in the 14% that survive more than 5 years and I believed it because I’m mentally strong, determined, and otherwise healthy. But my body has not reacted well to the chemo drugs on which I’m dependent for survival. Right now, the only drug I’m taking is one from the 1970’s that prolonged life but not for long. Hopefully, I can get back on Avastan.

I also may be having surgery to remove the primary tumor which, to do so, they will have to remove a lot of other things too. I am waiting to speak with the various surgeons – don’t know if they’ll recommend it or not – it’s an extreme surgery. It may not prolong my life anyway because they can’t touch the cancer in my liver and lungs – 100% inoperable.

I know I go on about Sweet Pea but, honestly, it’s no small thing. It is the biggest thing. She has no one else. I must be there for her. I simply must. I must outlive her. Last night, she stayed by my side for hour after hour and I was just heartbroken.

I simply have to live.

Love, Molly

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